Utter Doom, or Something Like it
by Seaouryou
Summary: Sesshoumaru hates Tenseiga. A lot. He also hates his father, his brother, humans, unnecessary thinking, and shrill girls in miniskirts. Fate has never been overly kind to Sesshoumaru.


Sesshoumaru really did hate Tenseiga.

It wasn't so much because of what the sword could do - admittedly, being able to resurrect things was pretty cool. Sesshoumaru never had to worry about a lack of manpower, should he ever decide to go to war. Which was something his father had done on the slightest whim when he'd wanted to unwind. And he'd always won, too.

Now that Sesshoumaru thought of it, that was pretty suspicious. Sesshoumaru didn't want to think his father's success had been because of Tenseiga instead of Tessaiga, so he decided not to. If being ignorant was bliss, being Sesshoumaru was nirvana.

No, Sesshoumaru hated Tenseiga because it was constantly bossing him around. Go here, investigate that, resurrect them... Sesshoumaru had more important things to do than be at Tenseiga's beck and call. Like random slaughter. Tenseiga objected to that, too. It was a bit like having his father breathing down his neck again, except his father hadn't given a damn what he did as long as there weren't any surviving witnesses. When there _were_, his father had had to deal with the political fallout, which kept him too busy busy to drink sake and visit his harem. Which generally made him cranky. And when his father got cranky, Sesshoumaru usually ended up with his head through a wall.

His collar bone had healed quickly, though. Ah, those were the good old days, before his father met that human and got soft.

But he digresses.

Usually, Sesshoumaru was able to ignore Tenseiga. Unfortunately, it was being particularly stubborn today. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation as the sword jabbed him in the side, working a crack into his armor.

Shut _UP_!

Rin and Jaken both jumped, staring at him funny, but he ignored them. Tenseiga pulsed angrily, as if to say I am _not_ shutting up, God dammit, not until you do what I tell you to!

Sesshoumaru growled and ground his teeth. Tenseiga pulsed, rattled, then slapped him on the back of the thigh. With a groan (the sort a mass murderer gives right before a killing spree), Sesshoumaru turned and started toward the west. Jaken and Rin scrambled to keep up.

Sesshoumaru really did hate Tenseiga.

-

Sesshoumaru hated humans more.

He stood at the top of the hill, eyeing the tiny, ugly little village below. Tenseiga must be losing its mind - or whatever it was that made the sword semi-sentient. At least that headless otter had been important. Of all the stupid, pointless, insignificant-

Tenseiga slapped him again. Sesshoumaru seethed.

A village? Rin asked, bemused. She squinted up at him. Sesshoumaru-sama, why did we come here?Stupid girl! Clearly, Sesshoumaru-sama's reasons are too sophisticated for you to comprehend-You don't know, either-How _DARE_ you! I'll have you know-

Sesshoumaru ignored the brief struggle that followed, tuning out his two companions. Tenseiga was currently chanting follow the river, follow the river, follow the river in an annoying, high-pitched whine that only Sesshoumaru could decipher.

Maybe Sesshoumaru was the one losing his mind.

Never-the-less, he turned to his left and began walking along the river the humans had built their village around. Sesshoumaru wrinkled his nose; he could smell the over-powering, sickening scent of dirt, urine, and dried sweat - humans were disgustingly unhygienic. He really didn't now how his brother put up with it.

Although, he considered, Inuyasha was a cesspool of germs, fleas, and hanyou cooties. He had no idea how the _humans_ put up with _him_-

Sesshoumaru stopped, confused. Through all the grime and blood and smoke, he thought he could make out a vaguely familular scent... but that didn't make any sense at _all_...

Tenseiga seemed particularly excited at the moment, and smacked Sesshoumaru to get his attention. He glanced down, peeved, then off into the river. A short human with long limbs and messy black hair was splashing around with the water up to his knees, trying to catch fish. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the kid.

He was unpleasantly surprised to find the human was the source of the vaguely-familular scent. He absently noted the thick eyebrows, pointed chin, and broad shoulders. The eyes were a bit too wide, the face a bit too round, the skin a bit too dark, but if Sesshoumaru squinted it almost looked like...

Oh _shit_.

That was his _father_.

Tenseiga pulsed in cheerful agreement.

-

Technically, Sesshoumaru knew it wasn't actually his father. His father was a pile of frequently-desecrated bones in the youkai graveyard.

Technically, Sesshoumaru knew reincarnation erased any and all memories of previous lives.

Technically, Sesshoumaru knew Tenseiga would give him some lovely third-degree burns if he killed the human so his father's soul could get reincarnated into more honorable. Like, say, a fly. Or _anything_ else.

None of this kept him from being pissed, though.

he demanded, glaring.

... Huh? the boy asked, looking up with a still-squirming fish in his hands. He squinted, then looked at Jaken, then blinked a few times.

Oh. Shit. You're demons, aren't you?I'm not, Rin supplied helpfully.

he said, flinching when he saw the look on Sesshoumaru's face. I'm not... like, trespassing or defacing something or something... am I?

Sesshoumaru moved right through the water to tower of the boy, glaring at him. He stumbled backwards, landing in the water on his butt and losing his fish. Sesshoumaru fumed a little. _This_ is what his father had been reduced to? This small, cowering, terrified little _kid_?

If you really had to come back _here_, you could have picked something better, he muttered, thinking out loud. The boy frowned, giving Sesshoumaru an appraising once-over. Sesshoumaru _glared_, and the human quickly swallowed and glanced back down at his feet. Usually, this was the response Sesshoumaru expected from lowly, undeserving humans. Usually, however, the lowly, undeserving humans were not reincarnated, _flawed_ versions of his once-great sire.

You're coming with me, he said absently, wrinkling his noise slightly as he looked the boy over.

You're _kidnapping_ me?... Yes.

The human pursed his lips, looking slightly annoyed, before shrugging and getting back on his feet, now thoroughly soaked. Weeeeeeell, all _right_, but I have to tell my mother where I'm going first. He hopped onto the bank, mud squishing between his toes and (_He's not wearing any SHOES, what the hell is WRONG with humans!_) meandered towards the village. He stopped in front of a particularly shabby house, the roof full of holes and the walls in desperate need of repair. Sesshoumaru scowled in distaste as he poked his head in.

Moooo_oooo_m, some youkai are abducting me.

And, because Sesshoumaru had fantastic hearing (it was a curse, really, especially when he was around Inuyasha and that girl was screeching herself hoarse), he heard the reply: Okay, dear, be home before dinner.

The boy skipped back over and grinned at him.

Sesshoumaru decided it would _have_ to be considered a kindness if he killed every human on the planet just to spare them the agony of being so piteously, piteously stupid.

-

Let me see if I understand this, exactly, Jaken said, slightly nervous. He had the look of one who always expected his life to end in some fiery way at any moment. Jaken was surprisingly flammable.

So, ah, this is the reincarnation of your esteemed father?But I'm not, the boy's voice rose in a bit of a whine. He was sitting on Ah-Un, next to Rin, who was mindlessly weaving flowers into his hair. Where exactly she was getting them was the true mystery. She seemed to attract them like a magnet. In fact, there was a never a time when she wasn't with either a flower, a smile, or both.

Silence! If Sesshoumaru-sama says you're his father, then you're his father!

Sesshoumaru's heel promptly stomped down on Jaken's forehead. Never mind how far away they were standing, he still managed to boot Jaken whenever and wherever the situation called for it. Sesshoumaru was special like that.

Eep... Sesshoumaru-sama?My father deserves your outmost respect, Jaken.Ah, yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!But I'm _NOT_! the flowers were now so thickly entwined in his hair his head resembled Feudal Japan's equivalent of an out-of-control Chia Pet. Rin giggled a little.

It's nice to meet you, Mister Sesshoumaru's dad, she said politely, now stringing together long flower necklaces for him to wear.

Quit calling me that! My name's Kokichi, the human continued irritably. Sesshoumaru made a noise of contempt in the back of his throat. Now, most people would say that is impossible, but Sesshoumaru is not most people.

No it isn't. It's Inu no Taishou. Or Touga. Or Inutaishou. Or... well, actually, I'm not sure. Sesshoumaru looked puzzled for a moment, then gave his head a little shake. Well, whatever.

Jaken got back on his feet, adjusting his funny little hat. A sudden smile broke out on Rin's face, even wider than the one she seemed to permanently wear. It was so wide Kokichi wondered how she could smile like that so much without her face hurting. She squealed, gaining the sort of pitch only dogs could hear (Sesshoumaru flinched), and threw her arms around him in a tight, unforgiving hug. Kokichi balked and blushed a little, not used to decently attractive girls his age embracing him.

Sesshoumaru wasn't used to it either, and turned around immediately, glaring at the pair. Stop that!

Kokichi seemed to think he was referring to the hug and, believing he had just triggered an ambiguous father figure's wrath, began protesting his innocence immediately. It's not my fault! She hugged ME!Not that. Sesshoumaru ground his teeth. My father does. Not. Blush.

Kokichi would have sighed, if he still wasn't fearing for his life. Here they went again... though he had never seen a youkai before today, he'd heard all the stories: blood thirsty, evil, tricky and merciless... but no one had ever mentioned how crazy they were before.

What was this father of your's like, anyway?

After a few hours of ranting, Kokichi was sorry he asked.

-

Sesshoumaru hated Inuyasha and his band of do-gooders. He couldn't put up with self righteous people, they got on his nerves. Sometimes, it really was better to keep your nose out of other people's business. Sometimes, people really didn't need to get rescued. None of them seemed to realize they were bringing tragedy to all these villages, that their group might as well have a big, flashing sign over their heads that read: COME PICK A FIGHT WITH US, DEMONS! WE HAVE SHIKON SHARDS! WE HAVE A PRIESTESS, A MONK, AND A DEMON SLAYER! HELL, WE EVEN HAVE A HANYOU! WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO ATTACK US? DON'T WORRY, WE'LL ACT VICTIMIZED EVEN THOUGH WE'VE KILLED JUST AS MUCH, IF NOT MORE, THAN YOU HAVE!

So when they came running up, still exhilarated from some most likely misplaced good deed, Sesshoumaru stopped and groaned and wished (not for the first time) he'd been an only child.

Inuyasha said with unnecessary bravado, jabbing a finger in his direction. What're you doing with that kid! Kidnapping again!None of your business.Ooooooh, _I_ get it, hah, you think you're so smart! So much better than me! This is some sort of devious, Naraku-related plot, isn't it? _ISN'T IT!_HAH! I _knew_ it! ThatbastardI'll_kill_him! Kill him dead! You'll see! I'll stab him with my sword! He'll be DEAD-dead! Now, fight me! Sesshoumaru said irritably, why don't you go shack up with your dead girlfriend and leave me alone? I'm busy here. Kagome said shrilly. Inuyasha, how could you!Uh, Kagome! I swear, I didn't-

Miroku, Sango, and Shippou kicked at the ground idly, aware of their utterly pointless existences. Directly behind them, Kohaku was batting for his life against Moryoumaru, and directly behind _them_, Kikyou and Kouga were giving it their all against Naraku and Kanna. However, they were all far too busy staring at Inuyasha's highly impressive, finely-crafted, plaque-free sword to even look back.

Sesshoumaru took the opportunity to slink off. Crazy, loud, smelly, bipolar humans. He honestly didn't see what all the fuss was about. Anybody could live a short, pointless life if they really wanted to.

-

Jaken discovered an unsettling thing about his lord that afternoon. Sesshoumaru, who was generally made less noise than the grave, wouldn't shut up if someone asked him about war.

He was currently rambling on and on about a particularly gruesome battle, which eventually led to a victory for his father and the entire annihilation of a subrace of youkai. Kokichi looked a bit sick; even he was a little unsettled by his lord's description of the carnage; Rin was braiding flowers and humming.

Jaken was a bit worried Sesshoumaru may have desensitized her.

At some point between the destruction of the Hyounekozoku and the bloody demise of Hyouga, Kokichi leaned over to Rin, keeping his voice low. She looked up, ever-present grin firmly in place, and waited for his question.

Kokichi shot a quick glance toward the inu youkai. Is he - ah, you know - all there? Rin said pleasantly. He's missing an arm.

He stared at her. Rin grinned wider still.

Kokichi was more than a little unsettled to find the sanest person there was a fixated, hero-worshiping, pyromaniac frog.

Eventually the sun began to sink in the sky, and he coughed and pointed out that he was going to be late for dinner, not that he would be able to hold it down anymore, thank-you-very-much-for-the-detailed-visuals-of-the-people-I've-supposedly-killed, so he really should head back.

Sesshoumaru, who had been interrupted during a particularly colorful part of the war against the bull youkai, was annoyed. Regardless, he turned Ah-Un around and they started back.

When Kokichi finally got back into his village, he breathed a sigh of relief and wondered, what, exactly, had been the point of leaving the village in the first place. Considering how nutty he was, Kokichi doubted there was an actual reason. He shrugged shrugged it off and went inside.

-

Sesshoumaru observed the village from a vantage point, irritable. His father always just _had_ to do things that pissed him off, didn't he? After all, Sesshoumaru was still convinced the conception of Inuyasha had all been part of a deliberate plot to annoy him - as was everything else in the planet that didn't agree with him.

What a traitorous disappointment to all youkai kind.I thought he was cute, Rin replied cheerfully.

He wasn't CUTE. He ordered the deaths of millions of people. He personally set fire to dozens of villages. He ruled with an iron fist! He was the fucking lord of the dogs, God damn it! Sesshoumaru appeared to be hyperventilating.

I _LIKE_ him, Rin continued blissfully. He's nice. Can I come back and see him soon? Though, you know, alone.

Sesshoumaru had a funny feeling then. If he had to describe it, he would have likened it to the way it felt when someone knew utter doom was baring down on them. What had he ever done to deserve all this?

Aside from everything, of course.

Sesshoumaru swore, and Fate sat back and had a really, really good laugh at his expense.

-**end**-


End file.
